Marriages during the Vedic Period

Sapta Padi is an important ritual in every wedding where the bride & the bride groom walk around the sacred fire in a clockwise direction. The bride groom vows to be the best friend of the bride and he pledges his loyalty to her. It is important to note that he vows to be her “friend” not husband. In ancient days it was believed that only equals could be best friends and hence by taking this vow, it is established that both the husband and the wife are equals in every way. 

In the Yaksha Prashnam part of Mahabharata there are two questions the Yakshan asked Dharmaputrar. These two questions show the importance attached to a wife in the Vedic society.

In the first question the Yakshan asked the following question. “Who is the friend to a householder?” In English we have only one word for “friend”. Sanskrit has many synonyms according to the function fulfilled by a friend. In this question the Yakshan uses the word “mitram” for friend. A mitram is a friend who helps during times of danger and difficulty. Dharmaputrar answered that one’s wife is the mitram as she is the one who provides protection and aid during times of need.

A Brahmin who performs agnihotram regularly has to perform a yagam called Ishti on full moon as well as on new moon days. Agnihotram should always be performed only when accompanied by one’s wife. It is very crucial to complete the Ishti yagam on the specified date. If a Brahmin’s wife is unable to participate due to health reasons, the Brahmin must seek her permission to complete the Ishti yagam without her presence. If he completes the Ishti yagam without obtaining permission from his wife, then he must seek her pardon and try to please her. She may impose any fine upon him including the most expensive jewellery for not obtaining her permission. The husband is bound by the Vedic rule to pay the fine imposed her. If he is not able to fulfill this, he has to re-do the Ishti yagam when she is able to participate.

The Vedic wedding manthram declares a husband and wife to be best friends; hence, a householder’s best friend is his wife.

In the second question the Yakshan asked the following question. “Who is the friend assigned to a man by the Devas?” The Yakshan used the Sanskrit word “Saka” for a friend. Saka is a word used to describe a person who shares in his friend’s happiness as well as sadness equally. Saka is in masculine gender. Dharmaputrar answered that a person’s wife is the “saka” assigned to a man by the Devas. Dharmaputrar does not use the feminine form of the word; he does not answer “saki” but says “saka”. He used “saka” to emphasize that a wife is a man’s equal in every way. 

This is per the Vedic mantra chanted during a wedding in which the bride groom says “saka saptha patha bhava…” The bride groom says “with these seven steps we have become friends”. He does not use the feminine form of the word “saki” to address his bride but uses the masculine form “saka” to show that she is his equal. Only equals can be friends and a husband and a wife are best friends per the Vedic culture.

 

The wife is also referred to as “Dharma Patni” in Sanskrit which means, “One who leads her husband on the righteous path”. A wife is given the responsibility to lead her husband on the path of righteousness and duty. She is also called as “Sahadharmacharini” which means she moves along with her husband on the path of righteousness and duty. It establishes that she is an equal partner.

A woman was allowed to remarry if her husband was dead, had become an ascetic, was a criminal, was lost and his where about is unknown, he is expelled from the community or if she has reasons to believe he is a threat to her life.

Women were also allowed to seek their own husband when they reached the proper age. This was known as “swayamvaram”. Often princesses were allowed to choose their husband from a long list of suitors. It was believed that it was better if the girl lived with her parents than to be given in marriage to a man with no character. Not all marriages were arranged; love marriages were also accepted by society. A man and a woman could get married if they mutually consented to the same. This type of marriage was known as “Gandharva”.